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THE DAISY PROJECT.

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ATTN: ALL WRITERS/FREELANCERS/ANYONE WHO ENJOYS WRITING

I AM STARTING A BRAND NEW ONLINE LITERARY MAGAZINE. I AM CURRENTLY TAKING SUBMISSIONS AND LOOKING FOR CONTRIBUTORS. 

Please visit:

http://heartwordspress.tumblr.com

and check out the Submit section for more details on how to get involved.

LET’S MAKE WRITING COOL AGAIN. 

You don’t have to have a degree to be a writer.

Get on board.

MY DIAGNOSIS

I’ve known you for most of my life but it has only been with the age that we’ve become more acquainted.

Now that we’ve had that initial interaction, you’re everywhere I go now.

You’re in everything I do. 

I have accepted that to love me is to to love you.

An unconditional love because you’re never going anywhere.

You’ve stitched yourself into my brain, my heart, my veins, my nerve endings. 

Even though you stay dormant, I know you’re there.

And when you’re out, you’re out and I cannot stop you from possessing me.

Only mothers.

Throughout my entire life, I was made to believe that Mother’s Day was all about the gifts. deep down knowing that all I wanted to do was spend time with my mother.

Lucky for me, my mother was never one to mind what gift she got from her only child, if she even got one. There were a lot of times when I couldn’t afford anything or went all out on a DIY gift or a nice little card decorated with whatever working markers I had at the time. She never complained and never not smiled and burst pure joy all over the room anytime an effort was made. 

I never knew what that was like until this year. My second Mother’s Day experience. My first one, my daughter was little and our bond was still pretty fresh. A long, eventful year later…I knew that all I wanted to do is spend time with her and my mother. And to honor them both. I knew that I would appreciate anything she ever gave me, even if she couldn’t give me anything—she was gift enough. 

Being a mother is the only thing in life that has ever given me total and complete purpose. A real reason to wake up in the morning and to dissect grains of positive from my daily life. It’s the reason I smile, the reason I cry, the reason I strive to do things differently and to do things that are meaningful. 

Little moments that I have with her just really make me feel whole. They make me really understand what Mother’s Day is about. I think of all of those little moments that I had with my mother. The things that only we share like how you MUST drink an orange Fanta soda with your tuna salad sandwich, that black clothing is always the best option or that a small rug in your kitchen makes an absolute world of difference. When she brushes her hair, her teeth, paints her nails and toenails…walking up to the closet to find the outfit that best suits her mood, “What WILL these shoes tell people about me? And does my purse match this?” There were so many times throughout my life that I would latch onto my mother in the bathroom while she was getting ready, watching her towel dry her hair and apply her makeup. She always got annoyed, just the way I get annoyed with my little latch when she follows me into the bathroom now. Brushing a blush brush against those little chubby cheeks, I can’t help but laugh because in that moment, I am looking at a little me.

Mothers just make it easy for you to see yourself in your daughter. Good mothers. And you actually see and realize that maybe your mother really is the center of your universe. It is crazy to think that I am the center of someone’s universe and how I should have always appreciated my mother as much as I do now. When I get on my hands and knees and clean mashed potatoes off of a floor that I just cleaned, I remember those times when my Mom pulled out bits of food from my room and never complained one time. She didn’t care, she just cleaned it anyway, because she loved me. 

So like I said, it’s never about the gifts. 

It’s about reflection and honor, love, appreciation.

Thinking about those little moments that stick in your heart and carry on through your years. Making sure that you have time and effort to refine all of those little moments. I want my daughter to remember the little things, just like I have. And I have my mother to thank for that, making sure that every minute of my life was savored. 

113 FOLLOWERS. I LOVE YOU ALL.

tears, fears and insecurities

plague at my black heart

take the little blue pill

and turn off the world

insomnia

I can’t turn it off

these wild, swirling lights

inside of my mind

echoing

bouncing 

off my brain waves

burrowing deep

into my muscles

making them shake and stir

i am an insomniac

add it to the list

of bad things

that i shouldn’t be so good at

“ Fetal position, I lie in my sea of blankets and all I want or need are your arms around me and your breath on the back of my neck. And you will never that sea with me. You are my assurance and my safety. ”

—    

“ I need to make some changes.
I need to control my anxiety.
It’s getting the better of me,
hindering me from having meaningful experiences.
Control.
The older I get,
I realize how much joy and energy
people, even those close to you,
can take quality from your life.
If I’m always devoting my time
to listening to everyone’s bullshit,
how can I deal with my own?
I need to control my time spent
listening to that shit.
Because these people are
suffocating me.
I become more of an introvert everyday.
Going back to my roots,
realizing that maybe I don’t need
so many people
involved.
These changes are so desperately needed. ”

—    bc